Our ways are not His ways: Losing 6lbs after a 5-day Silent Retreat

One of the things I was worried about going to the Central Administration retreat last weekend, aside from submitting myself into silence, was gaining weight. Yes, gaining weight. Those who have been to Sacred Heart Novitiate (SHN) and have gone on a silent retreat know what I mean.

I am not used to eating five times a day. I have been ascribing to a diet plan called 'Intermittent Fasting' for almost eight months now, after being obese and having had hypertension. I have lost 35 pounds so far and was worried that all the efforts will be put to waste. (Well, I gain really fast based on experience.) So I was thinking of ways on how to avoid the great tasting food at SHN. My head was clogged by all these thoughts before the retreat.

When I got there, some of the prayer points I had were about "Trusting God" and remembering what the Lord declared in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Humbling and amazing was that even petty stuff like gaining weight (which for me is serious), could really be or was actually part of the whole retreat and prayer experience. I considered this as a personal "internal noise" that I needed to deal with to fully embrace and be in silence. Deep in my prayer and conversations with God, I decided to just submit myself in the process. So instead of 'fasting' which had been normal for me, my Spiritual Director told me to eat religiously and according to schedule, and so I did.

After the retreat, I weighed in expecting to be several kilos heavier. To my surprise, I have actually lost six pounds. Yes, six pounds in five days! Well, I am not saying here that God had a miracle and took those fats away while I devour every meal. Rather, it's the act of total surrender -- allowing myself to be in that moment, and  taking God's lead instead of mine. During my individual consultation, I noted all the pointers and suggestions my spiritual director gave me, including the "in-between prayer" activities. He asked me to walk and engage in physical activities and exercise outside the formal prayer periods. All of these were part of my daily retreat schedule.

This entire experience made me realize that we just need to submit ourselves to God's plan. Looking back, I could see myself slowly and unknowingly falling into the trap of wanting things carved my way. My worries of tomorrow were products of fear that things will not fall according to plan-- my plan; that they might not meet the expectations-- the expectations I set for myself. My everyday has become too centered on me than on God.

In this season of Lent, the retreat gave me an opportunity to remember that everyday and every moment is an invitation to love and be amazed by the wonders of God's works and ways, to respond to His call with humility, and to let things be done according to His holy will.

I might have lost six pounds, but I think I have gained more... the gifts and grace to cherish and to share in this lifetime.

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Martin works at OHRMOD and is also a Resident Adviser at the Residence Halls.